Open-heart

This evening I write feeling very deflated dear readers! I am struggling, struggling with my daughter, not in a naughty way but rather in a heart wrenching way! It has always been a clear sign that my daughter is a "Daddy's Girl", 100% through and through daddy's! This I love. I love that Daddy is her hero, the one she runs to for safety, for laughter - he truly is her superhero - and I love that he is giving her an incredibly picture of what and how a man should be, it gives me great hope for her future choice of boyfriend/husband.

However, here comes my struggle, in order to be a complete sell out Daddy's Girl, one has to be completely not a Mummy's Girl! This would be fine but life has become a struggle, my daughter won't let me kiss her, hug her, hold her and if she does it is only knowing that after she can wipe it off and put it back on me! It is ... Heart-breaking! As I have shared this with some they have told me to enjoy it,  enjoy that it is Daddy getting up in the night, Daddy that she runs to, enjoy that I have a break when he is around! However often I have tried to tell myself to enjoy it, I am losing and tonight as I left her bedroom again in tears because of not being allowed to kiss her goodnight and having the little touch we shared as I pulled up her quilt wiped back on me, I broke! I will never be able to enjoy this part of her life. Maybe that is ok, I'm not a failure as a mum, this is just a phrase! I remind myself often that this will not last forever, that one day we will have that relationship I dreamt about as I waited for her arrival.



Until then, I'm allowing myself many more tearful nights, many more bars of chocolate and glasses of wine. Many more nights of prayer before God asking for strength and patience to continue to press on through the struggle.  It has made me cherish those moments when she is tired or upset and Daddy is not around that she curls up on my lap for a cuddle, or runs towards me with open arms ready for a squeeze. These moments are rare and each one almost moves me to tears. My daughter is amazing and I love her to pieces, I will continue to bring her out for special Mummy and Kezzia treats, despite her upset sometimes that Dad is not coming! I know and trust one day, God will bring this phase to an end and I will have learnt to treasure her hugs more, even when they become a regular and normal thing.

Why am I sharing this? As with many of my blog posts, I fear there may be many other Mum's facing this same struggle with their little girls and I pray that you know you are not alone - find strength in knowing you are sharing a journey I too am also walking, and know that although their may be pain in the night, God promises JOY in the morning.


Comments

  1. Unknown1 May 2014 at 05:55

    Thank you for sharing this Kathryn. I'm glad to learn that i'm not the only one as my son Lennon is a mummy's and is constantly attached to his mum and wants to be by her side. In the mornings i can't say morning to him with out him screaming at me. I can't do anything for him like make his juice for him with out him screaming at me. He wants mummy to do everything. I so long for the day that he will learn that i'm his daddy and that i can do the same as mummy.

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