Knowing Me

Over the past couple of years, life has thrown many battles in my, and my family's direction. Personal battles such as pregnancy difficulties and miscarriages, struggles and battles with friendships, the regular struggles of being a mum; work struggles, as I recently changed role within my current employment at the church, there has been much confusion/debate over what my new role should actually entail add in the everyday battles of stretched finances, and life in generally. All of these battles and struggles meant I entered this year weary and breaking...

Having recently had a second child I automatically put it down to being tired because of being up half the night, and I am sure that played a part. After this I went for numerous blood tests in order to check my thyroid, b12 and iron levels as it may have been a medical reason for my complete lack of energy and motivation for anything. However over the past weeks, God has revealed so much!

My dear friend, Pastor and boss, had a picture of Josh and I going through the transformation that a caterpillar makes as it changes into a butterfly. When inside the cocoon the newly formed butterfly must battle and struggle to expand his wings, not only in order to break free from the no longer needed cocoon but also to gain the strength to fly once they are out. It must be a weary job! He mentioned that sometimes we may even feel like we are just in survival mode, like the caterpillar awaiting to be transformed. Why is this important? Because the caterpillar was no longer a caterpillar, he had become a butterfly and now needed to fly.
Over the past years due to the numerous battles I was having to fight and endure I switched to survival mode, rather than living mode. What's the different?! One drains your energy, enthusiasm and motivation whilst the other invigorates and energises you. As I sat many nights, thinking and praying, writing in my journal about my epiphany I realised that many of the things that make me, well me, I had stopped doing - not necessarily on purpose, but because of time restraint, work commitments, the children, lack of energy and actually these subtractions only served to weary me further. I am a people person, I love being around people! I love playing host, be it dinner, drinks and nibbles or cramming the youth into our lounge and serving lunch, I love to host! I love being outside! I love a good bubble bath, with a book, chocolate and a glass of red! These are things that make me who I am, I need these in my life and diary in order to keep in living mode.

The result has been that almost every week since my revelation we have had people for lunch, despite a messy house! I have decided to start running (pick your jaw off the floor), just so I can get outside & enjoy it!

So dear readers, what makes you who you are. What energises you? Find it! Do it! You will feel better for it! Over the past few weeks I have felt like a new woman, cheesy I know, but it's true! I have a new burst of life - the battles I'm sure will keep coming but I have learnt a valuable lesson. Never stay in survival mode too long, flap those little wings and remember who God made you to be!

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