A House Too Quiet
My daughter's 3rd birthday is fast approaching and although it is a day of such excitement and fun, the days before have in the past 2 years become quite hard. For those of you faithful readers , you know that Josh and I have miscarried 3 of our precious children. However, what I have not mentioned in my previous blogs was that the baby of our third miscarriage had a due date of April 5th, Kezzia's birthday! The other two we lost would have been born in February.
It is therefore hard to begin each year and start the birthday process without remembering that there are many birthday's in our house that will not be celebrated as we once wished. I treasure the two children I have the privilege of raising here on earth, but I do often wonder about those I did not get to meet. A dear friend of mine, recently sent me the link to another blog, where a woman shares about her wonderings about her own miscarried child. The blog was amazing and she has written it better than I ever could, so I have attached the link below - it is definitely worth a read.
It is funny the things that bring memories to mind, people often joke about how I'm crazy to be eager for more children, and laugh at my comment that my house is too quiet, even with two VERY loud children about. But, my heart knows that my house is indeed quiet for I have been pregnant 5 times, and yet my house is not filled with 5 children. I therefore know that I will always long for a little more noise in our house, it's not to replace what has been taken but rather to ease the quiet pain.
For those of you who have suffered a miscarriage you will know that now and then your mind can wander to thinking about that child, or those children who you have not got chance to hold. Those you have not been able to watch grow up. It is a strange thing, being so in love and missing someone so much, that in reality you never met, perhaps never even saw! After my first miscarriage, I didn't really let myself grieve for a long time - grieve for someone I never met, never knew - it sounded silly! Someone however, and I'm gracious to them, gave me a shake and told my that it was enough knowing they were mine. They were my baby, and meeting or holding them didn't matter - I needed to allow myself to grieve. I finally allowed myself to say goodbye!
I still wonder what they may have been like, I have named them, though the doctor or scan may not have confirmed the sex, in my mind I knew! And I am thankful that they are as every Christian parent hopes, worshipping with their Creator in Heaven. I find such comfort knowing, one day I will be able to hold them in a way I never could on earth.
As I prepare for my precious daughter's third birthday, a little part of my heart wonders what her brother would be doing, the rest of me celebrates the gift and miracle that I have in her.
To my babies who play on streets of gold.
It is therefore hard to begin each year and start the birthday process without remembering that there are many birthday's in our house that will not be celebrated as we once wished. I treasure the two children I have the privilege of raising here on earth, but I do often wonder about those I did not get to meet. A dear friend of mine, recently sent me the link to another blog, where a woman shares about her wonderings about her own miscarried child. The blog was amazing and she has written it better than I ever could, so I have attached the link below - it is definitely worth a read.
It is funny the things that bring memories to mind, people often joke about how I'm crazy to be eager for more children, and laugh at my comment that my house is too quiet, even with two VERY loud children about. But, my heart knows that my house is indeed quiet for I have been pregnant 5 times, and yet my house is not filled with 5 children. I therefore know that I will always long for a little more noise in our house, it's not to replace what has been taken but rather to ease the quiet pain.
For those of you who have suffered a miscarriage you will know that now and then your mind can wander to thinking about that child, or those children who you have not got chance to hold. Those you have not been able to watch grow up. It is a strange thing, being so in love and missing someone so much, that in reality you never met, perhaps never even saw! After my first miscarriage, I didn't really let myself grieve for a long time - grieve for someone I never met, never knew - it sounded silly! Someone however, and I'm gracious to them, gave me a shake and told my that it was enough knowing they were mine. They were my baby, and meeting or holding them didn't matter - I needed to allow myself to grieve. I finally allowed myself to say goodbye!
I still wonder what they may have been like, I have named them, though the doctor or scan may not have confirmed the sex, in my mind I knew! And I am thankful that they are as every Christian parent hopes, worshipping with their Creator in Heaven. I find such comfort knowing, one day I will be able to hold them in a way I never could on earth.
As I prepare for my precious daughter's third birthday, a little part of my heart wonders what her brother would be doing, the rest of me celebrates the gift and miracle that I have in her.
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