Love Language

I did say, many a blog post ago that I would write about the various love languages which can be used to reveal to our children that they are loved. It might seem odd to those of you who have not heard of this before, surely love it love right? Well, yes but the ways we as individuals interpret love are drastically different.

Loose yourself for the moment in this scene: You arrive home from work, after leaving your partner in charge for the day, to a messy house, dishes aren't washed the kids toys are everywhere, the clothes did attempt to get into the washing machine but seem to have burped and rippled out. However, on the table in the corner you see a bunch of flowers, nothing fancy but still they stand out - does your heart melt at the flowers and all other mess fades to insignificance or do you miss the flowers in the anger that he didn't even attempt to clean up? If you see the flowers above all else, chance are you're a gifts person - if you miss the flowers and see the mess it's likely you feel love through acts of service. What does any of this mean? 

We all understand love in different ways. It is suggested there are 5 various ways and these relate to not only our relationships but our children's as well. 

1. Touch - this is the obvious one, the one most of us think of when it comes to thinking about loving our partners or kids. A kiss, a hug, a cuddle with our little ones, holding hands etc. It is a visible sign that displays our love to one another. However for some of us, we have children who aren't that prone to cuddles and kisses, are we doing something wrong? The likely answer is NO, rather our children just interrupt love in another way. 

2. Gifts - this is back to the person who notices the flowers. Some of us love getting gifts, they don't have to be expensive or bought at all, but it's something someone has spent time thinking about that 

they know you will find enjoyable, pretty or thoughtful. Some of us have children that love when we get them a toy, colour them a picture, collect pine cones for them while we are in the park. This doesn't have to be an expensive thing, it just a gift that you know they will enjoy.

3. Acts of Service - this is the person who gets cross by the messy house. I love people who come and clean my house, I find it incredibly helpful and just a blessing when people offer to help. Children love when we help them with things, tying shoelaces, helping put their toys away, painting their bedroom. Some of us feel loved when people take the time to do something for us that we would normally find laborious, but need to get done, our kids are the same. 

4. Time - for others of us, time is of incredible value. There is nothing better than sitting down, doing anything really, just being with someone. A walk on the beach, a cup of coffee and a catch up, even a night in on the sofa, just the full attention of someone makes us aware of the fact that we are loved. Many of our children are like that, whether it's reading books,  doing puzzles, colouring books, they just long for our full attention, when they have it they feel safe, secure and mostly loved. 

5. Words - the last love language is words, positive, encouraging affirming words. Some of us need to be told we are loved regularly, for others it doesn't hold that much effect. Our children are no different, some need to hear regularly, throughout the day that they are special, they are loved, you are proud of them - most of us parents do this naturally. However if this is our child's love language we need to make extra effort to speak directly to that child with our affirming words. 

So there it is, the suggested ways that we as humans understand and interpret love. These have been incredibly helpful for me, in both my marriage and relationship with Josh and my relationship with Kezzia and Levi. Josh and Levi both hold touch very high on their list, whilst for Kezi and me time is more important. My suggestion is to spend some time thinking about yourself, your partner and your
children's language and double check you are displaying your love in a way your child understand it's. 

I've attached a more explanatory link below:

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/